First Time Moms: What You Really Need To Know
- Bethany Roberts
- Dec 5, 2023
- 7 min read
Updated: Dec 13, 2023
I vividly remember the feeling of being a First Time Mom. It's a little like being thrown into the deep end of a pool without a life jacket, and having no previous experience in the water. Today I'd like to attempt to give you a life jacket, though, as a fellow (previous) First Time Mom! Here are a few tips for helping the journey to First-Time Motherhood be one that you can look back on fondly with no regrets!
First, trust your instincts.
Being a First Time Mom doesn't mean that you do not already have the God-Given instincts of Motherhood. Mothering Instincts is something that I have pondered on and been amazed at since I became pregnant with my first baby and experienced it firsthand. Suddenly, I became incredibly aware of a feeling in the pit of my stomach [or maybe my heart?] that would make me very uncomfortable with certain decisions that other people seemed to routinely make with their pregnancies and newborns only because they were the societal "norm". I didn't tell many people back then about this weird instinctual feeling that followed me relentlessly, but I did know that a Higher Power than myself gave me that feeling, and that it shouldn't be ignored completely without some serious contemplation. I often wonder if a Motherly Instinct is the Holy Spirit of God speaking to us, or a special intuition given to Mothers alone. My opinion is probably leaning toward the latter.
You may not have the experience that other Mothers have as a First Time Mom, but I do believe you have the Instinct if you listen closely to what your heart feels instead of just what others tell you to do.
Second, block out negativity.
You know that family member that keeps telling you every scary pregnancy story they can think of, or maybe the co-worker that heard how you plan on giving birth and suddenly had every fact on how that isn't a good idea? How about that parent that just absolutely can't keep their mouth closed about how worried they are about the decisions you're making?
Block them out!
Pregnancy is a vulnerable time mentally in a woman's mind with hormone changes galore and a million decisions to make with so many different options. You can't afford to tear your mental state down with the small comments that chip it away.
How do you block out these comments and stories?
Make it clear that you're not interested in them. Maybe try saying, "I'm sorry, but our decision on this topic isn't up for discussion." or,
"Everyone has their own birth experiences. Just because your friend had a bad one doesn't mean mine will be that way too."
You don't have to know all the evidence-based facts on every subject to just say, "I would rather not discuss that with you."
Never feel bad for protecting your own mental health.
Third, Relax and enjoy the journey!
You may have waited a really long time for this baby and this pregnancy. You may have only waited a little while, or been surprised, but are still so excited about the idea of welcoming a baby into your family!
Don't let anyone take that away from you!
The days are long, but the years are short in Motherhood. Cherishing every moment of the journey is a must, and creates so many beautiful memories to look back on.
Don't stress over getting everything absolutely perfect, either. No one is perfect. We all do the best we can and learn as we go. If you're doing your best to make educated decisions and following your instincts, that's top notch, even if the result of your decision doesn't turn out the way you planned.
Fourth, Bring Your Husband Along For The Journey.
Unfortunately, we live in a time when most men were not taught very much about the normal cycles of the female body, pregnancy, birth, or postpartum (in fact, most women aren't taught that either!). If your husband needs a place to start looking for information and inspiration on how to educate himself better on these topics, and know how to support you as his partner, I would suggest reading this article and listening to the podcasts included: https://indiebirth.org/category/podcast/podcasts-for-birth-partners/
I also recommend these books for New Moms and Dads:
Learning and preparing together for birth is a great bonding experience for couples! ❤
Fifth, attend an independent birthing class (not affiliated with a hospital).
If you can attend this class together, that's even better! This goes hand-in-hand with taking this journey together!
My recommendation for a birth course if you cannot find one local to you or that fits your schedule, is the Mama Natural Birth Course.
Facebook pages local to you, Chiropractors, Pelvic Floor Therapists, Lactation Specialists or Doulas are all great resources for finding groups near you as well.
Sixth, Prepare a Birth Plan.
It is basically a requirement for my clients to pen down their birth preferences before labor. Why, you ask? That's very simple to explain:
If no one at your birth knows your preferences or wishes, there is a 100% chance that they won't be followed out or respected.
Don't count on yourself, your spouse, or your doula to remember everything you wanted in this moment. Birth is intense and takes up a lot of head space. Also, your care providers will always revert back to their normal protocols unless they are told to do otherwise.
"What if I have a birth plan and an emergency happens where they need to do something differently?"
I promise, in that moment, care providers will not be asking if it's on your plan, and your birth plan will not get in the way of lifesaving decisions.
With that being said, there are a lot of things that are not true emergencies at a birth, but rather more of what process or procedure is typically done in that moment at every birth. In those circumstances, your birth plan will be very valuable. And, even if it can't all be followed through in the event of an emergency, the most important things to you like delayed cord clamping or skin to skin during the Golden Hour may still be able to be carried out.
If you're stumped on how to write a birth plan, or need some advice on what to include, I offer one-on-one assistance with my birth package, or as a stand-alone service.
If you're looking for a free and simple birth plan resource, I love this one:
You can also find one here:
Number Seven! Hire a Doula!
I know it sounds prideful for a doula to promote doulas, but we do what we do for a reason.
There is a great need in America today for women to be advocated for during pregnancy, birth and postpartum in our over-medicalized maternal healthcare system, and for their voices to be heard and respected as Mothers and human beings. A part of our society that is widely considered to be safe and almost error-free, is actually shown to be the third leading cause of death in the United States after heart disease and cancer.
Here is a study done on the better birth outcomes when a woman is supported by a Birth Doula:
I believe that outside of a thorough and trustworthy care provider, the best investment you can make into your birth is the support of a doula! That's why I do what I do. ❤
Last but definitely not least: Consider hiring a homebirth midwife.
It's not the right path for everyone, but the level of care you'll receive is unmatched!
The best decision that I ever made with my first baby was switching my care between 28-32 weeks from a midwife at an OB office to a CPM homebirth midwife. I found my first one on Google, and while I don't recommend you follow my example in that regard, you can feel free to reach out to me if you feel a pull toward birthing your baby at home. I will do my best to provide information on where to find a midwife in your area if you cannot find one on your own.
Of course, there are simply terrible homebirth midwives just like there are terrible care providers who work at hospitals. This is another place where your gut Instincts come into play. Recommendations from others in the community are also helpful. I would recommend setting up a free consultation to meet any midwife you're interested in hiring.
Here are a few things that are different about the care from a homebirth midwife:
Longer appointments with less waiting. You actually have time to collect your thoughts to ask questions, and you genuinely feel loved and looked after when you're heard and respected.
You're a person, not a chart to them. Homebirth midwives typically accept a very limited number of clients at a time, and that's something that an OB can't compete with.
You already know who will be on call for your birth.
No guessing! You won't have to worry about getting that one provider that you really can't stand.
Your entire family is welcome to attend your appointments or birth. There are no limits of visitors in a room, and no signs that say "no children allowed". Siblings are always welcome.
There is no doubt that your wishes are going to be honored to the best of their ability. A good midwife will be as hands-off as possible while still observing and making sure you're safe during birth, and ready for an emergency. Homebirth midwives respect the birthing space so well. There isn't any panic or anxiety, and their voices are calm and steady even when they have to assist in a sticky situation. They avoid fear-inducing verbiage, and know when to not say anything at all.
If you're like me when I first started looking into homebirth midwives, you may be confused by the labels: CNM / CM/ CPM / Traditional Midwife. What do those mean?
Here is a simple explanation:
You can also look up your state's midwives' association to find a midwife near you. Of course, not all midwives will be listed there. Here are the websites for our tri-state area:
If you don't feel led to explore the world of homebirth, be sure that your care provider (OB or hospital midwife) is supportive of your birth plan and care preferences! The sooner you do this, the better, because that gives you the freedom to find one that is supportive of the birth that you desire before it's time to deliver.
No matter where you birth, or how prepared or unprepared you feel for birth yet, remember this: You are enough.
“Remember this, for it is as true as true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.”
With Love, Bethany
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